The Lighthearted Wanderer

17. It took a couple of days to get back to the writing, but here it goes. Obviously I can't get my train of thought picking up exactly where I left off, but let's see what happens. So as of this morning, I officially got the no go from graduate school for this fall. It's kind of a jab in the stomach, or perhaps this knot in my chest or the heavy feeling on the right side of my head...but on the other hand those things might be due to drinking half a carton of umeshu (plum wine) with my boy visitors yesterday after dinner. Of course it feels yucky, on top of normal level of yuckyness I experience most days lately, but do understand that I am okay. I knew this could happen when I applied, and I know that my whole process was more rushed than it should have been. I am a little worried about where I will end up after leaving Japan, but I do know well enough that not getting in to grad school isn't a good enough reason to stay here or stay at my job that is contributing t...

16. The last few weeks, I've been thinking a lot about My Thing. And yes, I wrote it like that so that you would get a dirty image, but let me explain further. With grad school fading out of next year's picture, it's prompted me to take a good hard look at what I think "my thing" really is. It's easy to peg on some people. His thing is medicine, and to become a great doctor. Her thing is animals, she wants to rescue them. His thing is acting, he's going to audition for anything he can get in his radar. Her thing is cooking, his thing is computers, her thing is photography, his thing is biology.  So what's my thing?  To this question, my boyfriend immediately responded, "I thought your thing was education," and well yes, that's what I would say. But what does that actually mean? I spent most of my younger school life just doing well at whatever I wanted to do. Then I go to college and study a little bit about biology and a little bit...

15. Since I've come to Japan, I've probably become even more excited by Pikachu products. This morning I didn't want to get out of bed (the weather's turned cold again), so I snuggled under my blankets with my stuffy animals and flipped through the photos on my phone. I stopped and smiled at the picture, remembering back to the February weekend when I was visiting my boy in Akita. Then these little guys jumped out at me and I just wanted to hold them together for a picture. I couldn't manage holding them both in one hand and taking the picture though, so my boy held Pikachu in one hand and I held Pichu in one hand, while taking the picture with my other hand. "Did you make it so you can see our hands, on purpose?" "Yeah, I did actually. It makes me smile." Still does :)

14. One of the surprising foods that you miss from living in Japan is macaroni and cheese. Actually, cheese in general to tell you the truth! Yesterday I decided to whip up some home cooking. This was a pretty easy recipe, I just boiled some macaroni pasta and after turning off the heat, I folded in a couple slices of cheddar cheese and added a tablespoon of flour because there was too much liquid at first. Topping it with lots of parmesan cheese, dashes of salt, pepper, oregano, and garlic, and voila! Homemade, just-microwaved-a-batch-of-easy-mac, ready for an all-nighter, macaroni and cheese!

13. Mobile phone cameras + apps are pretty awesome, especially for the weary traveller enjoying snapping photos on the go and making them creative when time is short. When I get to observe the world around me, it all feels really really cool. But when I think too much about how observing isn't participating and engaging, it gets a little less carefree and fun. On the one hand though, is there anyone really looking that in depth at what I do? If you are the only one critiquing yourself, what is the measure of overkill and what is the measure of a good self-examining lifestyle?

12. The world is big. And yes, we are small. What we can see with our eyes is just a tiny piece of the world. And when we get up high, we see even more, and even though it might look small, it's just a reminder that there is so much more out there. 

11. Even today's beautiful weather hasn't been enough to lift my spirits :/ I wish I knew what I could do to make myself feel less :/  Pretty much the only thing that's been working is to distract myself as much as possible...but that only works for a short time. Maybe I'm just supposed to feel this way for a while. Maybe I'm actually supposed to do something about it. Maybe I'm not supposed to think about it and just keep going. Maybe I'm being overdramatic.  Sometimes I feel so far from how I used to be...and I realize I use the same phrases really often, but that's all I can do to describe how I feel...

10. I fell in love with skiing, it was like sliding down a mountain, rushing and constantly on watch for people and bumps...the faster I went, the more free and more excitedly scared I became. For the first time in a long time, I wasn't thinking about school or being unpreoccupied, I wasn't thinking about the business left undone, I wasn't thinking about other people or even myself really, and it was so so refreshing.

9. This week brought graduation at both my schools. I was lucky enough to go to both of my schools' graduations. I only taught a class of 8 3rd years at one school and 20 3rd years at my other school, so it was a bit difficult to pick out my students who were in all different sections. But I guess that made it seem all the more special when my students would see me in the halls and yell, "Elaine!" (or rather, "Eeraine!"). Graduation was a really nice event, okay so most of it were speeches in Japanese I didn't understand, and there were times when I wanted to clap and cheer really loudly for my kids, but they don't do that here...much more somber and formal. During the ceremony, my favorite part was when each homeroom section ("kumi") stood up together, and yelled things to their homeroom teachers. I couldn't really catch what it was they were saying (except maybe the ones yelling "ARIGATOU GOZAIMASHITAAAAA!") but I could tell f...