My Thing part 2

17. It took a couple of days to get back to the writing, but here it goes. Obviously I can't get my train of thought picking up exactly where I left off, but let's see what happens.

So as of this morning, I officially got the no go from graduate school for this fall. It's kind of a jab in the stomach, or perhaps this knot in my chest or the heavy feeling on the right side of my head...but on the other hand those things might be due to drinking half a carton of umeshu (plum wine) with my boy visitors yesterday after dinner. Of course it feels yucky, on top of normal level of yuckyness I experience most days lately, but do understand that I am okay. I knew this could happen when I applied, and I know that my whole process was more rushed than it should have been. I am a little worried about where I will end up after leaving Japan, but I do know well enough that not getting in to grad school isn't a good enough reason to stay here or stay at my job that is contributing to my deterioting spirit. I am afraid about being unmotivated and falling into a rut, but maybe I will be able to put something together. I will be able to put something together, and will put my mind and spirit back together. Regroup and just enjoy the fact that life is always interesting and unexpected.

Today at work was closing ceremonies (the school year in Japan ends in March and begins in April), and after the ceremony I started looking up the graduate education programs at the CSUs. Surprisingly, a bunch of them do have late deadlines and I could still apply for fall enrollment...but I think it might be one of those things that I don't actually want to go through with, but the idea of a Plan B that works out at the last minute is somewhat enticing. I think it would be smarter and better if I just got back to the states, put myself together, really think about what I want to do and how, and apply full out when I am ready...or do something else, which is cool too.

In other news, I do have my boys visiting, and we're about to set off on another Kansai-Japanadventure. Taking pictures, eating lots of yummy food, talking with my buddies, and just kind of enjoying being young--when I back up and take a look at my life right now, I know that there is a lot to be happy about. And the stuff I'm worrying about, I know things will look up in a bit <3


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